How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?
These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Reblogging because there are some sassy little shits out there.
These attorneys are more deuce than ace.
i wish there was a non-assholeish way to say “our friendship has run its course, you make me uncomfortable with your feelings and a lot of shit you do pisses me off bye”
“our friendship has run its course, you make me uncomfortable with your feelings and a lot of
shit (stuff) you do pisses me off (upsets me), bye”
today i met a christian guy who tries to follow the rules of the bible really good and i asked him if he is against gays because of Leviticus 20:13 and he told me no, he doesn’t because of Matthew 7
and he added that he would never judge anybody on their believes or way of living because only god can judge the people
this guy man
Good to know. When someone wants to hit us up with a Leviticus 20:13, Imma gonna lay some Matthew 7 on ‘em.
I’ve finished the ten piece series I was working on featuring portraits of monstrous girls and the apparent colorful fashions they wear. This was a very indulgent, fun thing to work on, as I love patterns and cute girls. These were all made in Illustrator. Thank you everyone who checked them out! I’m super grateful!
I would like to make a public service announcement on this piece of shit information floating around the internet. I’m NOT going to take pot shots at an artist’s personal palette but this is just misinformation to thousands of other people out there who may or may not know better.
Number one. IF YOU ARE PAINTING, YOU’RE NOT REFERENCING A DIGITAL SWATCH. So first of all, you need to know where paint comes from. I dont even know where to start with this. I mean seriously, the statement about not being able to make pure, strong colours with cadmiums is just so full of ignorance, I don’t even know where to start.
If you need visual evidence, let’s take a look at this picture
This picture was invented before CMYK ever came around, tbh. Too bad Klimt is dead or else he would attest to this just like EVERY OTHER TRADITIONAL PAINTER will.
Mixing colours is not magic nor is it as easy as picking colours from a digital swatch. It takes practice to understand how certain colours react with one another, employ painting techniques such as not mixing white with every goddamn colour to lighten a hue.
Let’s take another look at a somewhat LESS brightly paintedpiece.
The saturation is not nearly as bright but the chroma is pure. There are no muddy colours, nothing is brown where it was not meant to be. Because Kandinsky knows how to mix colours. It didn’t happen overnight nor was he born with that knowledge. It was years and years of practise and work.
Even Klee knew what was up. He was not a master artist by any means but he worked goddamn hard at it and look what he created.
Here’s another Klimt because we all love him so:
CMYK exists because it does not know how to replicate the natural pigments of paint that can reflect light. It’s a beautiful, beautiful fake at best. I love CMYK. I even want to get a tattoo that says CMYK. But it is by no means the one and only.
So PLEASE. PLEASE EDUCATE YOURSELF AND CROSS REFERENCE YOUR COLOUR THEORY BEFORE YOU BUY INTO THIS GARBAGE. NEWTON KNEW WHAT HE WAS TALKING ABOUT WHEN HE MADE THE COLOUR WHEEL GUYS.
PAINTERS SPEAK OUT FOR OUR BELOVED COLOUR WHEEL! REBLOG AND REPOST! Whoo!
EDIT// Additionally, I re-read that ignorant infographic or whatever and have come to realize that the artist classifies pthalo blue/green and hansa yellow as CMYK. That is not CMYK guys. CMYK is used for digital prints because you can’t use paint. Duh. God, that information is so wrong, it wasn’t even worth making this post.
My colour theory class also teaches us to use ultramarine etc etc in painting gouche.
thank god someone typed all this shit out because my kneejerk reaction to that stupid graphic was to yell WROOOOONG and flip over my acrylic brushes
seriously has the maker of the graphic ever taken a color theory painting class the first friggin thing you do THE VERY FIRST THING YOU DO is have to make color palettes out of just red blue and yellow paint
eats own paint in anger